my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
