I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
