hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
