I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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