Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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