Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
