Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
not ubering you a puppy
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
