I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
