babies were throwing up all over the place
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize