for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
