Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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