i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
