did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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