I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
