You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
