So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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