I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize