I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
