Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
