did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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