I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So many bounce houses so little time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize