I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
