...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize