The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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