There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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