Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You pole danced in your parka.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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