you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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