angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
