Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
