I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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