I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize