Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
