Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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