I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
