im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
