Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
