I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
