remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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