I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
