peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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