His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
