Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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