ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i've created a new STD.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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