mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
