she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
