So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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