Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
