I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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