Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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