We're like a lot better than the average bears
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
