True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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