Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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