I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
420 ftw
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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