What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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