Non-Jews are for practice
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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