sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
