Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
