I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
