we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and she was petting her beer can
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
