Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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