I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize