I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
