the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
