Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
