I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
