WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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