I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
