I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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