she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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