with your own penis?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
