I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
