i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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