What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
