So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
