dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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