I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize