The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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